My freshman year of college, I was randomly assigned a roommate named Josh. One evening, Josh and I drunkenly decided to begin listing bad invention ideas. A decade passed, and Josh was still contributing to the list.

Josh is now gone. Below is the list. Miss you, buddy.

Banana smoke alarm		
- throws bananas at you when smoke is detected

Piss mood ring			
- a mood ring, but the color corresponds to how badly you need to urinate

Zero leaf clover		
- genetically engineered to be unlucky

USB crash drive			
- USB storage device that can destroy the PC at any moment

Arnold Smallmer			
- A mixture of tea and lemonade, sold in 0.3 oz bottles

Scented batteries		
- Batteries in a variety of seasonal flavors

Zebra poison			
- For dealing with pesky zebra infestations

Yummy bins			
- Waste baskets that make chewing and eating noises when filled

King worm kits			
- A preassembled assortment of thrones, crowns, and court dressings for the king of the worms

Flicker Liquor			
- Booze, but that induces siezures

Unpredictabells			
- Weights for working out, but the weight changes every time you pick them up

Mag-joints			
- Hip and knee replacements that you can stick anything magnetic to.

BBQ Pepsi			
- Exactly what it sounds like.  Now with extra BBQ sauce!

The ClipClop			
- Scissors that are shaped to cut out a little horse.  Single use only.

Salmon Lights			
- Beautiful household and industrial lighting made from real Salmon

Tickle-powered saw		

ping27				
- SMS app that notifies you 27 times each time you receive a message

Eyelid superglue		

Cheddar spray			
- Wisconsin's dairy industry presents the latest in personal defense technology

Disc Tennis			

Burrowing cats			
- House cats bred for their ability to dig holes.  Many practical applications.

Coffee coffee table book book	
- A large photo book about large photo books.  Made from coffee beans.

Shower paper			
- A thin wood product for writing in the shower.  Indistiguishable from printer paper.

The Spy Tooth			
- Small hidden camera embedded in the front tooth.  Requires grinning.

PillowSocket			
- A mattress with a cutout so that the pillow lies flush with the mattress

Dion Watch			

Makeup Mask			
- A mask, the interior of which is filled with cosmetics before being shoved onto the face

WeldLock 3000			
- Afraid of your ethnic neighbor?  Weld your door closed with WeldLock 3K!

Smoothie Sprinkler	

Electric eyelash trimmer	
- Rechargeable, portable, and has a pleasantly strong vibration in the hand

Irish Republican Spring		
- Militant, Nationalist soap for the body, hands, and face.

Model model rockets		
- They look like model rockets.  Ages 11+.  Paint and glue not included.

Carpet bagger			
- Tired of rolling up old rugs for the big move?  Try the carpet bagger today!

Disolving walls			
- Building material similar to drywall, but highly soluable in water. High in protein.

Shot straws			
- Short straws for sipping shots at the bar

Goodbye rugs			
- Like welcome mats, except for the way out

Pimp butler			

Onion tasting tours		
- Planning your next vacation?  Sweet vidalia country is waiting.

Bulletproof television		
- Wife mad at having to replace the TV again?  Try bulletproof television.

Nuclear lawnmower		
- Harness the power of the atom and keep your little patch of green looking spotless all year round

Moving lamp			
- Not sure where that floor lamp should go?  That's okay, this is a lamp that can walk!

Leather chocolate bar holder	
- Exactly what it sounds like, now available in three brilliant colors

Accelerating candles		

Ratcheting rollerskates		
- Skating backwards can be dangerous, but fear not

Acid carwash			
- Good for removing serious debris and snagged roadway hazards

Thanksgiving lights		
- Like christmas lights, except for thanksgiving.

Bonzai fungus			
- Trim, but do not eat.

Binary glucometer		
- Uses a series of LEDs to display your blood sugar in base 2.

Essential oil drip torture	

Hipster blocking glasses	

Diver's piss mood ring		
- Piss mood ring built to withstand oceanic pressures.  Worn by James Bond in upcoming film.

Squeeky machine gun		
- A machine gun, but sounds a little like a dog toy when it fires

Gender neutral toilet paper	

Extra bouncy train cars

Anti-ergonomic keyboard		
- Stick it to the libs with the latest from logitech

Double-ended fork		
- Can't remember which side the salad fork goes on?  Rotate!

Crunchy mouthwash

Glow in the dark popcorn

Pilgrim's box fan		
- Always blows air towards Mecca

Bong On-Star	

Deisel fireplace

Velcro earrings

AI-powered curtain rods

Crinkle-cut cigarettes

Barbie dream reptile enclosure

Divorce lawyer coupon book

Pneumatic veggie peeler

Mrs. Coffee

Roman Catholic contact lenses

Hello Kitty landmine

UV sterilizing headlights

Asbestos-lined cowboy boots	
- Fireproof!

Motivational airbags		
- *BANG!*  "You're doing amazing, sweetie!"

Push-down bra

Crum Wagon			
- Catches stray bits of food to be wheeled away

Denial				
- 'Operation' the board game, but with prior authorizations

Krispy Kreme Krab Kakes